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The Impact of Addiction on Spouses: Codependency, Enabling, & Recovery

Two of the most celebrated Hollywood films about alcoholism feature plotlines showing the struggles endured by partners and spouses. In 1945, The Lost Weekend was the first major production to include a storyline about an alcoholic’s girlfriend. Five decades later, When a Man Loves a Woman flipped the script, with Meg Ryan playing an alcoholic housewife who imposed a significant emotional burden on her husband, played by Andy Garcia. While substance abuse can negatively impact many lives, spouses and romantic partners are often the most affected, but they aren’t always victims. Let’s take a closer look at the dynamics of substance abuse and close relationships.

Addiction as a Codependent Condition

Many relationships touched by substance abuse are based on the complex dynamic known as codependency. Essentially, codependent individuals frame their emotional states on the behaviors of their partners. In the two films mentioned above, the codependent partners are victims. In reality, relationship dynamics can make them enablers, controllers, rescuers, martyrs, and even scapegoats. There are also strained and abusive relationships that cause partners to engage in substance abuse as a misguided coping strategy. Mental health specialists don’t assume all relationships with at least one addicted partner will feature codependency, but it happens often.

Dangerous Enablers

In this common role, spouses and partners help addicts continue their destructive behavior. This can involve making excuses, covering up disasters, taking on new responsibilities, providing financial support, and downplaying the need for treatment. In some cases, enablers are partners in substance abuse who haven’t fallen into neurochemical dependency and mistakenly think it will never happen to them. Living with partners who don’t see themselves as enablers is an issue often discussed by clients of sober lifestyle coaches, such as those who provide support for addiction recovery in Carlsbad, CA.

Misguided Controllers

Some people believe controlling their partners’ behavior can magically cure their addiction through forced abstinence. Controlling spouses act like strict parents or correctional officers. They may monitor activities, snoop on their partners, and constantly nag them to stop using or get help. The problem with overzealous controllers is that their misguided actions can devolve into relationship abuse.

Kindhearted Rescuers

These are the partners everyone hopes to marry because their hearts are made of gold, but their reactions to spousal substance abuse can sometimes turn them into enablers. The problem is when rescuers focus too much on alleviating the consequences of their partners’ substance abuse and not enough on recovery. Bailing partners out of jail, paying their debts, and nursing them through painful hangovers are all noble acts, but they shouldn’t excuse addicts from facing the full impact of their actions, thus hindering their recovery.

Martyrs Who Start as Saviors

Unconditional love can go a long way in helping partners whose substance abuse has become problematic, but some spouses end up sacrificing too much. They may neglect their health, social lives, and personal goals because they think sacrifices are necessary to keep relationships and families together. Many martyrs see themselves as being more magnanimous than rescuers. They want to be noble saviors, but they fail to notice when they’re overdoing it.

If someone you love is facing the challenge of addiction, consider reaching out for professional support from an interventionist. Carlsbad addicts who receive this guidance often find it’s a crucial element in beginning a successful and sustained recovery journey. Trust the expertise and experience of the compassionate team at Sober Lifestyle Coaching. We know precisely what it takes to get sober, stay sober, and live the healthy lifestyle you deserve. We specialize in working with clients with active addictions as well as clients already in recovery. Our sober coaches provide encouragement, accountability, insight, and understanding through our own recovery experiences. To learn more about how we can help you or someone you love, call us today.